UK copyright law "to be scrapped in three years"

The UK Government has announced that as a result of the Hargreaves review of Intellectual Property law, it is planning to 'scrap' copyright protection within the next three years.

Speaking in the House of Lords the UK's minister for Enterprise, Innovation and Neuromancy, Lord Rupert Vainbottom told peers that "new evidence suggests that copyright is suppressing creativity, limiting economic growth and strangling trade. We need to take a more pragmatic, practical and proactive stance". Lord Vainbottom cited recent research from the National Intellectual Property Planning League Endowment (NIPPLE) which suggests that "creative types" are "already living the life of riley in mansions and penthouse flats" with the minister directly citing the Report (Copyright Revisions and Progress) saying "artists can sell there pictures and that's a profit. And they can sell signed prints and postcards. Script writers have theatres; Authors have book signings and poetry readings; Musicians can play at Wembley and make millions." adding as CRAP says, "its not for the UK Government to feather their nests and fund their debauched lifestyles".

The opposition spokesperson for Business, Skills and Marmalade, Lord Selwyn Backatcham added "we wholeheartedly support this move by the Government; if you want term extension - get kids to stay at school for longer. If you want three strikes - bring back caning - then you can have fifty strikes if it helps. If you want exceptions for parody, spend a day here. A pint of port allows for format shifting too".

Crossbench peer Baroness Cleopatra Asp added "this removes another wobbly leg of so called European harmonisation by stealth - so secretly promoted by Brussels. If we wanted the UK to be like Belgium, we would have decent beer and chocolate and I would grow a Hercule Poiot moustache".

Lord Vainbottom went on to suggest that new legislation would "get us down with the kids" and highlighted what he called the "insane persecution of the Pirate Bay martyrs, the internet innovators imprisoned by a brutal Swedish totalitarian regime" and the "cruel fate of successful internet millionaire Kim "Dotcom" Schmitz - left to rot in a New Zealand jail for simply changing his name to Dotcom - or something like that". It is planned that the new legislation (the Stop Owners Protecting Act or SOPA) will be introduced by the Government in June 2012 phasing out copyright over three years, and similar moves will be taken in relation to Trade Marks, design rights and patent law in the near future.

All characters and organisations appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. And alarming.